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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Patriarchy: more than just a word


"The opposite of patriarchy is not matriarchy, because they’re both wrong."


Patriarchy is when

   -          A girl is asked numerous times while growing up: have you learnt to cook yet? (Not yet?! What will you do when you get married?!)
-          A boy is told repeatedly while growing up: real men don’t cry. (That’s a women-only club)
-          The sewing class at my school is reserved for girls (delicate work = femininity)
-          The carpentry class at my school is reserved for boys (brute strength = manliness)
-          A lone woman sits in a physics class. (It requires brains)
-          A lone man sits in a design class. (It’s a soft subject)
-          ‘Real women’ are taught to be dependent to the extent that it is beneath them to exert their strength (how dare you look straight in the eyes of a man?)
-          ‘Real men’ are taught to be independent to the extent that is beneath them to show weakness (haathon mein chudiyaan peheni hai kya?)
-          Boys are encouraged to fight back (Maa ka doodh piya hai toh saamne aa)
-          A family refuses to allow the daughter to have a live-in relationship (We don’t want the society gossiping about our daughter’s morals…)
-          A family accepts their son’s live-in relationship, but looks down at his partner (because clearly, she’s the one with the loose morals)
-          A promiscuous man is called a Casanova (ooooh!!!)
-          A promiscuous woman is called a slut (ouch)
-          The princess is always rescued by the prince (kiss me and save me)
-          The heroine is always rescued by the hero (bachaao!)
-          A son is seen as a true heir, and a daughter a burden (beta hua toh laddoo batenge)
-          Marriage is seen as the end goal for women (It's the sole purpose of our lives)
-          Marriage is seen as a nuisance for men (It’s something I have to put up with)
-          A family spends more time ensuring the prospective bride’s ‘purity’ than compatibility (can they really check beforehand???)
-          The parents are eager to get the daughter married off (syaapa mukaao)
-          Women have to physically disclaim that they are married through a mangal sutra and whatnot (Why don’t men get something in return?)
-          A woman touches the feet of her husband. (I thought blessings were supposed to be the work of Gods and elders)
-          Women continue to fast for ‘the long life’ of their husbands every year under the ruse of tradition. (If it’s superstition, then let it go. Or if you genuinely believe in the power of a fast, then why don’t men fast for their wives too?)
-          A woman has to leave her house after marriage to go to the man’s (Yehi riwaaz hai; sadiyon se chala aa raha hai. Hum kaun hotein hain parampara ko todne wale?)
-          A man who lives with his in-laws (aka the ‘ghar jamai’) is no longer considered a ‘real man’ (Uski khuddari kahan hai?)
-          A man gives up his passion for writing to get a ‘real job’ because he is expected to be the ‘bread-earner’ of the family (If you were a woman then it would be okay, but…)
-          A family is considered dysfunctional is the man takes care of the home and kids while the woman earns the income (It’s clear who wears the balls in this family)
-          The family name is automatically assumed to be the husband’s surname (Mr. and Mrs….?)
-          Women cease to exist on family trees (because the children just popped out of the men)
-          A woman ensures that every part of her body is ‘appropriately’ covered before stepping outdoors. (Otherwise, she’s clearly asking for it)
-          Sexual harassment is called ‘eve-teasing’ (apparently making fun of someone and groping their ass in a crowded bus are the same thing)
-          The choiciest gaali is always based off your mother or sister (you’re already thinking of them)
-          Horny-ness becomes an excuse for rape (so much for the theory of evolution…)
-          Women are afraid to report rape because of the shame it might bring to the family (samaaj kya kahega)
-          A man hits his wife, because, well, she’s his wife now (It’s his birthright as a male)
-          Men are told it’s okay to hit other men, but to never raise their hand on women (because they are the weaker sex, not because it’s wrong to hit)
-          Men are asked to respect women (Why not respect men too?)
-          Women are asked to submit to men (Oh, that’s why…)


It’s clearly a sucky world, for both men and women (I’m making a big assumption here, so guys, feel free to disagree).

In closing, I’m going to paraphrase a line from the show Satyamev Jayate: “The opposite of patriarchy is not matriarchy, because they’re both wrong. The opposite is equality – a balance.”


3 comments:

  1. Wow. I am in LOVE with the brackets. Seriously!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I've clearly had an overdose of Bollywood huh :D

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  2. Well put, hits it neatly on the head. Long before it was brought up in Satyamev Jayate, sharing 2 talks that really brought out this national as well as global mental illness for me :
    http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men.html
    http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

    ReplyDelete